Have you ever had a moment of pure anger, lack of patience, or felt dysregulation over a “trivial matter”? In the moment it does not feel trivial but you can’t help yourself. Maybe this feeling slowly builds until you pop or maybe the feeling comes on so fast you don’t even have time to recognize it happening until after it is done. I have experienced both and everything in between. I have left the people who love and care about me feeling blindsided and hurt by my actions, not understanding the turmoil and pain churning in my soul.
After having my children, I found myself having more and more of these moments where I was dysregulated. I found myself trying to self-regulate by stomping my feet and screaming. 99% of the time this helped me center myself and deal with the problem at hand but it still left the lingering negative feelings from my abusive childhood.
While it is good I found a technique to help me in these moments, the techniques were not convenient and I wanted to stop these moments of dysregulation, not just learn how to control them. Micro-dosing magic mushrooms dramatically helped me allow these intense emotions to wash through me and no longer grab a hold; however, I wanted this ability when I was not micro-dosing.
This was when I was told about Anna Runkle, the Crappy Childhood Fairy. In the first 5 minutes of watching her video on dysregulation, I was amazed at how someone else could be just like me. I also learned other techniques like sucking on a lemon, pressing my tongue to the back of my teeth, and taking a cold shower to help my mind focus back on my body.
I no longer felt like I was a crazy person, alone in these moments of dysregulation which would leave me feeling out of control with all of the terrible feelings from childhood resurfacing without a voice or reason. I asked a friend to do the two-week challenge with me and we start on Monday.
The two-week challenge is where I will write my fears (all negative thoughts and feelings like anxiety), and my resentments (anger, frustration), and I will release them into the universe and then meditate for 20 minutes. Anna explains to treat the meditation as rest, not to gain enlightenment or clarity. I have never been one to meditate as I am a busy bee, but I am going to do my best to write and to “rest” for 20 minutes twice a day. I hope to gain peace by releasing these negative thoughts and feelings into the universe and out of my body.
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